Making Better Decisions When We’re In A Pitfall Of Dilemma

A new perspective on how to make decisions in dilemmas

“Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

I know that the feeling of helplessness, anxiety and inadequacy that we have in not being able to make the right decision at the right time, is very painful.

Even when we do, it’s even harder to be consistent with it, specially when we are playing a long game and the results don’t show up for a long time.

• Should I stick to my strict diet or can I eat a small piece of chocolate since I'm not feeling well today?

• If telling the truth isn’t for my benefit, but it is necessary to say it, should I say it?

• If someone who has done something bad to me really needs my help, won't this endanger my mental and emotional health to help them or what will happen to my humanity if I don't?

• Which book should I read first?

• Should I go out on the weekend to have fun or stay at home and rest?

• Should I complete my important project or go visit my mom who needs me?

• what should i do?

These are a few questions to mention, but every day we make hundreds of these decisions and ask these questions over and over again. It’s inevitable to be confused when life surprises you with an unexpected change, but how can we decide when we’re on that state?

I’ve had this problem for my entire life, can’t say it’s solved but I have learned 1 thing:

To solve this problem and learn that skill I need to change my perspective and make my way to the roots.

What to expect:

• A new perspective on how to make decisions from what I’ve learned

• Practices and insights to improve your life and decision making skills

• Deep questions to ask yourself

What we’re going to talk about:

• Our core needs and emotions drive our decisions

• Knowledge is the key to make decisions, experience makes it better

• How you navigate your boredom creates your future

• A quick recap

Emotions and core needs play a profound role in driving our decision-making and subconscious behaviors. Our emotional responses are often linked to fundamental human needs like safety, love, belonging, and self-worth.

When these needs are threatened or unmet, emotions like fear, anxiety, or desire for approval surface, often steering our choices without us being fully aware.

The subconscious mind, which operates beneath conscious thought, stores past experiences, beliefs, and patterns shaped by emotional experiences.

As a result, many decisions are not purely logical but influenced by deep-seated emotional reactions and an innate drive to fulfill core needs, shaping how we interpret situations and act in daily life.

This highlights the importance of facing our fears and letting ourselves to feel buried emotions.

Some practices that you might wanna try to successfully take this step:

Track your emotions during the day for 1-4 weeks:

1. How do you really feel when you’re in different situations?

2. When do you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or frustrated?

3. What makes you feel calm, confident and motivated?

4. When do you get bored? What do you do then?

5. After each decision, how do you feel about yourself and your life?

Find the patterns

After understanding what external or internal factors influence your different emotions, now it’s time to detect the patterns.

For example: you feel anxious every time that you have to talk about your abilities, skills and achievements; and you feel inadequate and overwhelmed when others talk about their accomplishments.

Write them down. The next time you’ll be able to predict your responses and emotions. But the goal is not that.

Get to the roots

I borrow this practice from Dr.Margaret Robinson in her book: Perfectly Hidden Depression.

Draw a line, write down the number of each year that something important ( good or bad) happened to you. From childhood ( as much as you remember) to this moment.

Now, ask yourself:

1. How did this make me feel about myself, other people and the world?

2. What did this make me believe about myself, other people and the world?

3. How did this make me define the values ​​for myself and my life? What are those values?

Get help from a therapist or a healthcare professional if you need, it’s completely okay to seek help, sometimes even necessary, specially when you’re trying to shift and change the old patterns.

This is the step of self-awareness. You can’t take other steps without knowing who you really are deep down and why.

Let yourself feel everything.

Happiness, joy, pain and suffering, anger, sadness, all of them. Feel it, acknowledge it and let it go.

You have the right to be angry or sad as much as you deserve to be happy.

Face what makes you feel afraid or uncomfortable inside, don’t distract yourself. The monster will never die, it’ll just keep growing if you neglect it. As Sara Wilson says: first we make the monster beautiful.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

Your insecurities can be your power, if you just let your emotions flow freely.

Knowledge is the key to make decisions, experience make it better

“Decision making is easy when your values are clear.” – Roy Disney

We have talked in details about 4 stages of knowledge, 3 stages of compassion, and 5 steps of questioning in Don’t focus on being happy! It’s the biggest trap.

Here we’re drawing a link between: Ikigai, purpose and longevity, knowledge and making decisions.

In a study it was found that having a clear purpose in life is much more important and beneficial to longevity and wellbeing than just being satisfied with life.

Having a clear purpose leads you to be more healthy physically, mentally and spiritually.

But what is the purpose of your life?

To find that purpose of life you have to go through the 4 stages of knowledge:

1. Yourself

• What are your core values and beliefs ( about yourself, others, world)?

• What are your strengths and weaknesses?

• What are your limitations?

• What did you love to do when you were a child?

• What makes you loose the track of time?

• Where did you go wrong/ right in my life and why?

• What are my thought, emotion, and behavior patterns?

2. The creator

Why do we see a calmness in everything that is a part of nature? While we’re constantly anxious, worried and depressed?

I think it’s because we’re disconnected from our reality.

Have you ever felt a strong connection with someone else? Or with an animal or something in nature? If yes, then you know how it feels to have that beautiful positive energy flowing all over your body and giving you shivers or tingling sensation. It makes you smile, feel that you’re at home: belonged, beloved and safe.

I believe this is because we’re all from the same origin which has created us with love and compassion. So who else, better than that power, can tell us what we really love deep down in our hearts and souls?

Re-connect with that source by embracing whatever you’re grateful for, the wind, the sun, your family. This is not a religious thing, it’s what we long for deep inside and nothing else can replace it.

3. Others:

Show compassion for others.

Really listen to what they say.

Watch carefully how they react to life situations and what are their painful problems.

Help others get what they need, you’ll find yourself in a better place than you’ve been praying for.

4. The world

• Watch nature carefully, inspire and learn from it.

• See the real problems that affect more lives now or will in the future.

• Read history, we humans just repeat the same things in a different way and context.

• Ask questions, be curious and follow that unique curiosity.

• Try new perspectives, ways and ideas. Just because you’ve been doing or believing the same thing for many years doesn’t make it the right one. Life changes and we have to evolve as we grow.

After learning something new, connect it with a challenge or a problem and try it out. It either fits you or not.

Do a 2 weeks free trial:

Try that new (idea, approach, habit,…) and track your progress, emotions and behaviors.

After 2 weeks if this makes you closer to your genuine vision, continue for another month or two, then evaluate it again, make changes and repeat.

You need to be bored to be creative.

A full mind that’s busy with daily tasks can’t create art.

Don’t scroll social media when waiting for something.

Let yourself do nothing.

What you consume you’ll become.

We have discussed about this before here, so I’m going to give you a brief overview of it:

1. Don’t build your life on short happiness: this will lead you to feel empty inside and is a great way to ruin your health and life. Do this instead:

   Go through 4 stages of knowledge, find your purpose ( Ikigai), build your own vision, play the long game. It’s harder, takes more time and effort, but it definitely worth it as it serves all of our core needs that we mentioned earlier.

   ✨A gentle reminder: You don’t have to know what your purpose exactly is, or have a clear map to what you have to do. Just follow your heart, you are the light that brightens your journey.

2. What you feed your soul matters: books you read, music you listen, people you engage with and things you do in your boredom.

   If you choose wrong things ( that most of the time are the easy choices), you’ll end up disconnected, depressed and confused.

To make better decisions we need to:

1. Find and change the old patterns that aren’t serving us now

2. Know who we are ( our boundaries, abilities and limitations, vision, purpose and values)

3. Don’t build your life on short happiness, what you feed your soul matters. Let yourself get bored and create something that you really care about.

4. Be curious and courageous to leave your comfort zone and build experiences. Fail, learn and grow.