My true self, a myth or a process?

Unlocking Your True Self: The Path to Authentic Wisdom

"To know yourself is the beginning of wisdom."

– Socrates

Is there a “true self” waiting to be uncovered, a singular, fixed version of who we are? Or is the concept of a “true self” just a myth—an illusion that we chase after, believing that if we only find it, everything will fall into place?

This was the question I found myself asking time and again. For much of my life, I believed there was a singular “true self” I had to find. I thought it was a destination—a final version of myself that, once reached, would provide all the clarity I needed to live a fulfilling life. But my journey toward self-awareness revealed something profoundly different: the true self isn’t a static destination. It’s a process. A constant, evolving journey.

It’s not something you find, but something you continuously become.

The Myth of a Fixed True Self

Society tells us there’s a "true self" that we should discover and embody: a mold to fit, a perfect version of ourselves to be revealed. We see it everywhere—on social media, in movies, in the self-help books that promise transformation. The idea is enticing: once we find that ideal version of ourselves, life will fall into place.

It tells us who we should be: the perfect partner, the successful professional, the ideal friend. These societal roles create a picture of “the self” that we strive to embody. But here's the catch: this image is not our true self. It's a projection of external expectations.

For years, I tried to fit into these molds, trying to be who I thought I should be. But each time, it felt like something was missing, like I was playing a part in my own life rather than fully experiencing it. I realized that I wasn’t living authentically. I was living in pursuit of an image, not of myself. That’s when I realized: the idea of a “true self” as a fixed identity is a myth, there is no single version of our true self.

Maybe there is no single self to speak of. Maybe you’re a shifting collage of many different personas, each as authentic as the next. A kaleidoscope of ever-moving fragments, reflecting a thousand little impressions of the world around you, with ashes of different moods and vibrant clusters of quirks—but no broader pattern. Maybe you have no true colors. You’re not some finished painting, signed and sealed in varnish. If there is a “real you,” surely it’s the mess of paint on the palette: colors swirling and mixing and playing together, perpetually unfinished, searching and striving to make something new.

-The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

We are not meant to fit into a mold. Instead, we are constantly changing, growing, adapting, and becoming more. When we cling to the idea of a fixed identity, we stop growing and miss the point of life itself: to evolve.

The True Self as a Process of Becoming

True self-awareness doesn’t come from having all the answers. It comes from asking the right questions—and even more importantly, from being open to the answers, no matter how unexpected or uncomfortable they might be. The process of becoming who we truly are is an exploration, not a conclusion.

I’ve come to see self-awareness as a lifelong journey. It’s about peeling away the layers of conditioning, societal expectations, and self-imposed limitations to reveal the essence of who we are at our core. But this essence isn’t something fixed or permanent. It shifts, evolves, and deepens as we encounter new experiences, face challenges, and learn from our mistakes.

As I reflect on my own life, I realize that the more I let go of the idea that there is one “true self” to discover, the more I’ve allowed myself to evolve. I’m not the person I was a year ago—or even yesterday. Each new experience adds a layer of wisdom, shaping who I am today. And tomorrow, that person will be different again.

It seems a little fickle, but each time I think about becoming a medical specialist, I can’t breathe. This is not who I am. That’s not the only way to increase people’s health, to help them, to create a safe and healthy environment for children to grow and build their authentic lives.

I still don’t know what to do, but I have a vision. The steps may be unclear, but the path is taking form, and the direction is becoming evident.

The Fear of Growth

But here’s the catch: transformation, growth, and evolution aren’t always comfortable. In fact, they can be downright terrifying. The fear of losing who we think we are often keeps us stuck, clinging to old versions of ourselves that no longer serve us. We fear that if we let go of our old identity, we won’t recognize who we’ll become. I still struggle with this, because it’s hard to let go of what brought you here, specially in a situation where you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. It’s hard to be hopeful when everything tells you there’s nothing to cling to; But I do my best.

The truth is, our fear of change is what holds us back from realizing our full potential.

I remember a time when I resisted change because I was afraid of the unknown. I feared that if I allowed myself to change, I would lose the sense of who I was. But what I discovered was that the more I embraced change, the more I found out about myself—about the things I truly wanted, the values I held dear, and the person I was meant to become.

The true self is not a static concept. It’s an unfolding, a deepening process. It’s about becoming who you truly are at each stage of your life, even when that person isn’t who you expected to be. The more we release the need for perfection, the more we allow our true self to emerge in its raw, authentic form.

Self-Awareness: The Key to the Process

Self-awareness is the compass that guides us on this journey. It is the key to uncovering the layers that mask our true selves. But self-awareness isn’t a one-time discovery—it’s an ongoing practice. It requires us to regularly reflect on our experiences, to question our beliefs, and to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty.

So how can we embark on this process of self-discovery? How can we let go of the myth of a fixed true self and embrace the reality of continual growth?

Start by asking the difficult questions:

- What are my core values, and how do they shape my choices?

- How do I react to stress, and what does that reveal about my coping mechanisms?

- What am I passionate about, and how can I bring more of that into my life?

Through reflection, mindfulness, and being open to feedback from others, we can begin to identify patterns in our behavior and thoughts. These patterns reveal who we are in the moment, but also show us how we can grow. We don’t need to have it all figured out right away. The key is to keep exploring, questioning, and reflecting.

Overcoming the Obstacles

The process of discovering our true self is often hindered by internal obstacles—fear, self-doubt, perfectionism, and the constant need for external approval. These barriers can prevent us from stepping into our full potential and fully embracing the journey.

I’ve often found myself held back by the fear of not being enough, or the belief that it’s “too late” to change, that everyone has figured life out, but I’m too lazy, too clumsy to do that. But what I’ve learned is that these obstacles are not the truth. They are simply stories we tell ourselves, stories that keep us stuck in old patterns of thinking. I still tell myself stories, even while I’m writing this post. Ignorance, doesn’t work- I’ve learned to listen to them and still do my job.

What has changed? I don’t care to fail, be judged or criticized. I fear that, but I’ve accepted that as an undeniable part of life.

The real challenge is not in finding a “true self,” but in breaking free from these limiting beliefs. It’s about trusting that we have the power to change, to grow, and to evolve. It’s about believing in ourselves even when we don’t have all the answers. We must embrace the discomfort of change and keep moving forward, one step at a time.

The Process Is the Purpose

This purpose was boldly conceived in my mind when I was 16, by reading a verse of Quran that said:

We did not create the heavens and the earth and everything in between for sport. We only created them for a purpose but these don’t know.

Ad-Dukhan- 38 and 39

Since then, I was eager to find my “ unique purpose of life”. I thought it’s one thing, like a lifetime plan that tells you what to do in every situation. What to decide, where to go, how to be.

But I misunderstood both that verse and life. We indeed have a purpose, if you look at sky and all those galaxies, if you go deep down to earth, walk into jungles, and swim deep in the oceans, you see how wonderful and ordered the world is. All of this can’t be an accident. But we have to understand that life, is not a one time occurrence, it’s a flow. Like a flipping coin, it has both sides: the good days and the sad days.

Not so long ago, to be sad meant you were filled to the brim with some intensity of experience. It wasn’t just a malfunction in the joy machine. It was a state of awareness—setting the focus to infinity and taking it all in, joy and grief all at once.

-The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

So what is the takeaway here? If we stop searching for a fixed “true self,” what do we have instead? We have a process. A continuous unfolding of who we are. And this process is not just about self-discovery—it’s about creating the life we want to live. It’s not by just questioning and journaling, we create that by taking action.

When we stop chasing an idealized version of ourselves and instead embrace the fluidity of who we are, we unlock the freedom to create a meaningful, fulfilling life. A life built on our deepest values, passions, and purpose.

The truth is, there’s no mythical “true self” waiting to be found. So, there’s no formula for finding it, stop chasing. There’s only the person you are becoming. And the more you let go of perfection, the more you allow yourself to evolve into the person you are meant to be.

You will never achieve what you want until you leave what you desire, and you will never reach your goals until you have patience with what you hate.

-Imam Ali

Actionable Steps

Daily Practices

1. Reflect Daily
   Spend 10–15 minutes journaling about your thoughts, actions, and lessons. Do it whenever you want.

   O soul! Today is a day that has passed over you and will never return. How you spent it and what you did in it? Did you fulfill the rights of your believing brother? Did you relieve a sorrow or worry from his heart? Did you assist someone in need? Truly, what good deed have you accomplished today?"

   -Imam Ali

2. Set Goals
   Define measurable personal growth goals. For example, work on patience by practicing mindfulness.

   Success is the result of foresight and resolution; foresight depends upon deep thinking and planning, and the most important factor of planning is to keep your secrets to yourself.

   -Imam Ali

3. Seek Feedback
   Ask trusted people for honest input about your behavior and tendencies.

Self-Exploration Questions

• What are my passions and core values?

• How do I define success for myself? (Get more practical information here.)

• What are my limiting beliefs, and how can I overcome them?

Common Barriers ( full version here)

1. Conditioning

   • Challenge ingrained responses. Write down alternate behaviors.

2. Guilt

   • Distinguish between true responsibility and imagined guilt.

   • Help constructively, not out of obligation.

3. Approval Seeking

   • Trust your path without external validation.

4. Perfectionism

   • Take action even if it isn’t flawless.

5. Doubt

   • Trust in your potential and start small.

Unlocking Your Potential ( full version here)

1. Find Interests

   • Conduct an “interest autopsy” by asking what energizes you in different areas of life:

     • Physical health, spirituality, relationships, creativity, career.

   • Explore why you’re drawn to certain activities.

   • Use dislikes to reveal hidden desires.

2. Analyze Emotions

   • Use tools like journaling to monitor what raises or depletes your energy.

   • Pay attention to envy or admiration—they indicate what you truly desire.

Final words

So, I invite you to reflect: Are you ready to let go of the myth of the fixed true self? Are you ready to embrace the process of becoming? The path may not always be easy, but it’s yours to walk. And with each step, you’ll uncover new layers of who you truly are.

Embrace the journey. The process of discovering your true self is not a destination—it’s the adventure of becoming.

And if you’re postponing this to another time, remember this:

So jump now, take the leap and build on the way.