Perfectionism Is a Silent Burnout

You don’t need more, you need less.

Haniyeh Amini

May 16, 2025

You don’t need more willpower. You need permission to be real.

And the only one who can give you that—is you.

And how can you do that? By letting go of what’s not aligned with who you are.

If it’s hard to tell that, just do this:

Pay attention to how your body responds when you do something. Is it relaxed and calm? Or clenched and tired?
Notice your energy levels, before, during and after doing something. If you’re stressed before, bored during, and extremely exhausted after doing it, it’s something that lowers your energy and it might be a signe for you to realign.
Pause. Reflect on the first two questions. Write down. Take your time. Change one little thing that drains you instead of empowering. Be patient, don’t seek results.
🔗Link to practical slowing down in Notion. Click here to get your free copy!

I.The Freeze That Follows “I Must Get It All Right”

I’ve lived this.

The kind of perfectionism that doesn’t shout, but whispers quietly in the background:

“If it’s not flawless, don’t do it.”

“If it’s not excellent, it’s not worthy.”

“If you don’t get it right the first time, you’re behind.”

When you care deeply, when you have vision, when you want to make something meaningful—you often end up trapped in one of three states:

Over-motivation – chasing dopamine with sugar, scrolling, speeches, or even self-help content.
Overworking – forcing discipline that turns into numbness: waking up at 5am, studying till midnight, grinding until your body shuts down.
Over-pleasing – reshaping yourself into who others want you to be so you won’t disappoint them—even if it disappoints your higher self.

These are not strengths. They’re coping mechanisms.

And they all have one thing in common:

They’re distractions from the ache of disconnection.

When you lose your sense of inner alignment, your nervous system does what it must to survive. But survival isn’t living. And perfectionism? It’s the most elegant disguise for spiritual burnout.

Actionable Step:

✨Pause and journal:

📝🌱“Where in my day am I operating from obligation, not alignment?”

📝🌱“What actions feel like a mask?”

📝🌱“Where am I betraying my own pace for others’ expectations?”

II.What Perfectionism Does to the Body (Science)

Perfectionism isn’t a personality trait.

It’s a nervous system response.

Shame activates the freeze loop. Your body interprets shame not as a thought—but as danger. You stop creating. You disconnect from your intuition. You retreat.

As Dr. Gabor Maté explains, chronic stress and suppressed emotion don’t disappear. They go underground, only to resurface as inflammation, fatigue, and illness.

And as Brené Brown says in The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

This isn’t just emotional. It’s biological.

High cortisol from perfectionistic pressure leads to:

Disrupted sleep
Impaired digestion
Brain fog
Hormonal imbalance
And emotional numbness

You don’t need more pressure. You need safety. You need rhythm. You need space to be human again.

Actionable Step:

✨Anchor your nervous system. Try one today:

🪷🌱1. 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

🪷🌱2. Breath reset: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat 3x.

🪷🌱3. Gentle movement: Shake, stretch, or walk. Signal: “I’m safe now.”

* I do this simple exercise when I’m stressed: take a deep breath while I’m holding up my shoulders and clenching my fists, then pause for a moment, exhale deeply and release the shoulders and fists.

III.Excellence vs. Perfection: Choose Rhythm Over Rigidity

Let’s be clear: Striving for excellence is beautiful.

As Tao Te Ching reminds us,

“The Master allows things to unfold. She doesn’t push or force.”

The problem isn’t caring deeply—it’s attaching your worth to flawless output.

Perfectionism is fear dressed up as ambition.
Excellence is devotion rooted in alignment.

Perfectionism chases control.
Excellence follows rhythm.

Perfectionism is fear in disguise.
Excellence is inner alignment in action.

When you move from your center, you build with devotion—not pressure.

✨Actionable Step:

Reframe “success” with this check-in:

Ask:

🌊🌱“Am I doing this to feel proud—or to prove I’m enough?”

🌊🌱“Is this aligned with my values—or just anxiety in disguise?”

🌊🌱“What would this look like if it were rooted in flow, not fear?”

IV.From Self-Pressure to Self-Practice

Ikigai says: joy in small, meaningful work is what sustains us. It’s looking for fulfillment in daily, small, ordinary things.

Kaizen teaches: real change is born in micro-wins, and to be honest, it’s much more than just micro wins! We’ll get to that later.

You don’t heal perfectionism by pushing harder.

You heal it by practicing softer.

A small practice from the book Ikigai and Kaizen by Anthony Raymond:
hara hachi bu — a reminder to stop eating when the stomach is 80 percent full:
count how many times you chew a piece of food= eating slowly.
choose smaller dishes= eating less.
only eat= remove the distractions (phone, book, Netflix,…) and enjoy the flavors.

✨Actionable Step: 

🍵🌱Slow start ritual (15 mins): tea, stillness, breath, gratitude

🍵🌱Kaizen list: Choose 1 small habit aligned with your true self and track it daily

🍵🌱Evening reflection: “What did I honor in myself today?”

📝Reflection Prompt

What does “good enough” feel like in your body?
How does it breathe?
And what would it look like to live one day from that place?

🌱Optional Mini Exercise, if you want to be more intentional:

From Perfection to Practice

Write down 3 areas where you seek control.
For each one, define your “minimum viable expression” of success.
Practice that small, imperfect version daily for 1 week.
Reflect on what works and what doesn’t. Feel free to change things, even if it means to change them entirely.

Which exercise will you try? Or have done before?

Live Authentic Life

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