Ambiguity may be the entry into authenticity
Snapshots.
She looked around in awe with a cute smile on her face, everything was new, unfamiliar and exciting!
She looked down at the beautiful, shiny gem in her hand; it was stunning! She loved it, yet she didn’t know what to do with it…
Walking through the jungle she hit a wall, glanced on the floor and found a small brush made of wood, took it and drew a window on the wall.
The window opened to a mysterious place with colorful lights, she saw the gem shining brighter and felt a force to step in.
But before she could move a toe, a voice came from outside: “This window isn’t beautiful enough!” She saw the gem’s light flickering and the window was destroyed. There were no colorful lights anymore.
Drowning in sorrow, She continued her path through the woods with her head down, heard a cracking sound, looked down and found a pen. Took it and wrote a poem on a leaf, the leaf started to grow and she hopped on it. They were flying on the arms of the wind, and it whispered the poem to the ear of the jungle. Gem was shining so bright, once more.
A strange voice silenced the wind and turned off the gem: “ This is so silly, you don’t really think that this is a poem?! Do you?”
The leaf vanished and she fell down, in disbelief.
She tried to sing with crickets, play music with the river, fly with birds, dance with stars, and walk on the moon; but each time the same strange voice echoed through the forest and a crack appeared on the gem: “ You have no idea, this isn’t good enough, you should do what we say to live happily.”
The voice didn’t know that the little girl was already happy, with her gem; she was confident with her reality.
In a dark night, when she couldn’t sleep because of all those echoes of strange voices in the woods, she saw the voices came together and built a thunder, it was loud, so loud that it broke the gem into pieces and each piece was thrown somewhere in the vast forest: “ You’re not (good) enough!”
She sat there, crying.
Years and years passed.
She was tired of wearing the mask to fit in, her feet were exhausted of following the path that wasn’t her for so many years; wanted to stop this so eagerly.
So she asked a question: “Who am I, really? Was I meant to live like a zombie or there is more to this life?”
A blurry image of a gem appeared in her memory for a second, she stood in front of a mirror:
She touched her reflection, it came out and merged with her. She felt a terrible headache and dizziness. After a while she opened her eyes and wanted to move forward, but her head weighed a ton, she couldn’t move!
The reflection anchored her to the ground:
She tried to stand up, but it didn’t seem to work.
Suddenly she saw a brush in the air, being carried by the wind. She took it and erased the anchor.
She stood up and moved forward, where? She had no idea! But decided to trust the feeling in her heart.
The image of the gem became clearer, and she remembered that terrifying thunder in that dark night.
“The gem used to show me the way before, if I find the pieces and connect them together I may be able to live my life, as authentic me.”
“But this thing on my head is so heavy, I hate it! It doesn’t let me think clearly, and it’s very painful.” She said. “Maybe I should get rid of it”, she thought, but remembered that the brush couldn’t erase it, so maybe she can’t get rid of it, maybe she doesn’t have to; “If I find out what it is, I could find a way to let it go.”
So she tried to sit there, in that unfamiliar, painful and uncomfortable position.
“This isn’t working! I must go deeper.” She thought to herself, and slid down.
She saw a writing on the wall of that weird thing: “ Ask”.
“ Ask what?” she thought; another piece appeared on the wall: “ Ask the questions that brought you here.”
And she reminded herself of that gem, “right, I’m here to find out where the pieces of the gem are.”
The questions reflected on the wall from her memory, and only one person had the answers: herself.
Discovering the inner treasure
Who am i? What talents do I have? And why couldn't I discover and live my best potential? What are my obstacles?1
true self…
“I must first understand who I am so that I can flourish my authentic self.”
-True professional self:
Everyone and everything has a place in this world, that only them can fill and fulfill.
Happiness starts with finding your true self.
If you try to fit anywhere else, you’ll end up living disattached from yourself.
The first step: Acceptance.
My challenge: Can I live up to my best potential?
Your maximum productivity happens when you know who you are, mix your inner gems in an innovative way to build something that adds value or solves a problem, something that only you can do.
Experiences happen with revision: reflect on your thoughts, actions and emotions:
Why did I leave, why did I stay, what were the open and closed doors, where did I think I had room and I didn't? What did I learn about myself??
-If we don't interpret the experience, our self-confidence will decrease and we’ll enroll in the self-confidence classes to get a hype of confidence to survive the next inner crisis; such a waste of time and energy!
The treasure is inside you!!!
My obstacles:
My ego, and the negative mindset: the feeling of inadequacy prevents the true self to show its master stroke.
I’m not good enough: this one leads us to perfectionism, the valley between us and fulfillment.
It's too late: Time is a relative thing: it is neither late nor early, everything happens on its own time.
Uncertainty: I see my true self, but doubt it. We humans are not afraid of our inferiority, we are afraid of our greatness, we are afraid that if we drew the curtains there is something huge waiting for us. But if we are in our greatness, we won’t doubt anymore.
What do these obstacles tell us?
“I failed in one of the most important situations in my life, I want to change but I can't find a way.”
“ In order to fulfill my responsibilities towards others, I bear the feeling of dissatisfaction. I mean, I can't hear my heart...”
“I understand the needs of others very well. And doing the duty that I have in front of others is more than necessary.”
“I want to be a good person for everyone, no exception!!”
“ I became as bad a person as the people around me said: everything they told about me was true.”
“I participate in personal development courses and I go forward, but I stop: like someone has told me not to move any further.”
“I understand very well what others expect from me and how I should be.”
“I have a great sense of duty.”
“I am an altruistic person and I like to improve the life of others. But I am very happy like this.”
“I like to be a creative person: but I pretend instead of doing, trying to have instead of being.”
“ I don't want to be a selfish and self-centered person.”
“ I am independent: I don’t need anyone.”
“ I like to help others, but when I'm in trouble, I don't like to bother others!! I don't wanna waste other people's time and energy.”
“I’ve lost my dreams...”
Discover interests
The truth lies in our hearts:
What or who do we have a genuine sense of belonging to? An undeniable sense of connection?
Our hearts is our ultimate guide that shows us the way.
Not seeing your true self has consequences:
- Identity confusion: Who am I?
- Job confusion: Job is only important for them to make money.
- It takes away the opportunity to create a meaningful life.
You can’t change your reality, it tells you what are your values, purpose and interests.
But knowing interests requires a method: Interest autopsy!!!
1. I must know the areas and areas of my life, name each one.
2. I should write what in each field raises my energy (interest, belonging)?
Areas:
Physical and health:
Example: I would like my biological age to be less than my actual age, why? Because I want to be capable even at an older age, why? Because this way I can survive in challenging and dangerous situations, why? Because I like the challenge = my interest is the challenge!!
Entertainment:
Example: I like to enjoy simple things. Why? What does this show about me?? Maybe I like savoring the moment, but why?
Go deeper, until you can’t ask any more questions.
Study and learning:
Example: I like everything that gives me new insights.
Spirituality and the meaning of life:
What takes me to the flowing state?
What are meaningful things for me??
We can come to our interests from the opposite side, that is, what do I hate?
Creativity: production, composition, excellence:
What do I like to create? What do I want to leave behind in this world? What do I want to be remembered for?
Personal relationships:
Example: Feeling understood…
What do you want to share/ give in a relationship?
Growing... our being together has made a positive change in each others lives and maybe the world!
Career field: position, promotion, horizon and perspective:
Example: Influencing others…
If a value is repeated a lot, we should also be careful for its imbalance...
Group, family, idea or common interaction:
Example: I really enjoy the group that is dynamic...
Mental area:
- How is my relationship with my interest??
What is stopping me??
If I don't have the talent, should I learn skills to understand if I am suitable for this path?
Respecting my interests is respecting myself...
Know your obstacles and do your duty towards your love compassionately...
Self-knowledge tools
1. Similarity tool: People or things we are similar to, there is an aspect in that person or thing that also lives in me...
What is this aspect??
“Were I them, I would do this differently”: this shows us a piece of the puzzle, why do I care? Ask as many questions as you can to find the root.
2. Jealousy and envy:
It means that I really want that thing but I don't have it...
Who am I jealous of? Why?
We often trade not having/ being to not wanting. When we can’t have something, because of some obstacles ( internal or external), we often end up hating that thing: “I don’t want this!”, but deep down we know that we envy that.
3. Attraction tool: What is attractive to me? Brands, people,
The wand chooses you...
Your life is a puzzle, you find each piece at the right time on the way; just start.
4. Energy Transfer Tool: What makes my energy go up or down?
Monitor your energy level.
Pay attention to the signs of your body- what it tells you in different situations?
Remember? Body keeps the record.2
You should use this tool when you put have overcame your obstacles, other way, it can hurt you.
5. Psychological response tool:3
If something doesn't belong to me, it either doesn't evoke a feeling or creates repulsion.
P.S. I drew the sketchs for this post based on my own experience with ambiguity and change. I used the notes from a Podcast, where a therapist introduced the tools I mentioned to help you on the way.
- What will the little girl find out? What’s the next step?
I have no idea!
Maybe we should find out together!
From here, the questions and practices were taken from a Podcast series, my favorite Podcast, Jafekri. If you’re Persian, or understand the language, I highly recommend it.
Book by Bessel Van der Kolk.
Use this tool and energy tool only after you have overcame your past traumas, mind barriers and other obstacles.
Such a deep, soulful read. Thank you for taking us into your inner world, and what a rich world! We are kindred spirits, I am so happy we connected on here. Let's find out together, indeed!
My compliments!