If You Feel Really Helpless, This Is Your Special Call

A perspective for understanding the feeling of self-detachment and how to be whole again.

…And we devoted ourselves gently but diligently to a new task, the literal antidote to the psychic dismemberment required of us long, long ago: the task of remembering ourselves.¹

I didn’t know what to call it, wasn’t sadness or fear. It felt different, like I had a very nice dream and the moment I open my eyes I fall into a deep and dark hole; or looking for some oxygen in the space, drowning in my own body.

My days were always productive thanks to my “perfectionism “! But the moment I was alone with my brain at night, GOD it was a nightmare! I wanted to get away but how could I do that when the thing that suffered me so much was living inside me?

I tried everything; yoga, meditation, therapy, journaling, earthing,… yeah I felt a little better for a few hours, but I fell into the same void every single night.

This was until the day I read “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford” and found that the pain wasn’t the problem, it was actually my savior, telling me that something’s wrong. And in my case it was: I was detached from my reality.

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First of all, you need to know that building an authentic life, takes time. It’s a journey for remembering, embracing and sharing your truth. What’s the truth? No one knows! As I said, it’s all about the path getting there, not the destination itself.

Authenticity takes time

It took:

• 20 years for Johann Sebastian Bach to write The Well-Tempered Clavier.

• Over 30 years of activism and writing for John Muir to create an advocacy for the establishment of National Parks.

• Over a decade for Marie Curie to research on Radioactivity and win Nobel Prizes.

• About 10 years for Albert Einstein to complete the Theory of Relativity.

• Over several decades for Hippocrates to write Hippocratic Corpus.

• Approximately 10 years for J.K. Rowling to write the Harry Potter Series.

• The list goes on, you name next.

Creating a masterpiece takes time, building an authentic life takes time, falling in love takes time;

all good things are for those who are patient enough to make it happen, and courageous enough to go for it.

If you wanna leave something meaningful behind, you have to be patient with the process.

Stop looking for motivation, or chasing the endless meaningless goals you’ve set for getting approval from a traumatized society.

Sit with yourself, see what’s going on the dark side of you; it’s not your enemy it’s your friend, a kind but scared mentor who can guide you to find your true self buried under all the distractions. Make the beast beautiful², and see the magic happens in your life.

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We are going to talk about:

• Oneness

• Compassion

• Integrity

• 7 ways that Japanese culture can help you on this journey

• And there’s a conclusion to get an overview of what just happened.

There is no “To Do List” that you can go through to build your authentic identity, or to become whole and heal from your past.

So instead of trying to get your attention with hooks and titles like “ 10 things you should do to live happy!” or something like that, I’m going to share different perspectives that I have learned, created or used in my own journey (which isn’t over yet!).

Here is where you get your spark, but you are the one who will find and live your purpose.

Back to oneness

The universe is not just a vast expanse of stars and galaxies but also a reflection of the intricate web of relationships that bind every particle and entity. Field theory, emphasizes the interconnectedness of all things in the universe.

This perspective invites us to see ourselves as microcosms of the larger universe, highlighting the oneness of existence.

Our understanding of the universe is still in its infancy³, and as we delve deeper into its mysteries, we uncover the profound connections that link us to the cosmos.

-The pale blue dot, photo from NASA.

This is a reminder of our shared home in the vastness of space; that despite our differences, we are all inhabitants of the same fragile planet, urging us to embrace a sense of unity and responsibility toward one another and the environment.

By understanding that we are made of stardust and are part of a grand cosmic tapestry, we can cultivate a sense of connection that transcends individual differences. This encourages us to act with integrity and intention, recognizing that our actions resonate throughout the universe, shaping the future of our shared home.⁴

We have talked about the 3 stages of compassion, so I’m gonna briefly mention their names, but you can read more here if you haven’t yet.

1. Self-compassion

2. Trade kindness

3. Virtue is its own reward

But we’re going to explore a new perspective on 5 different types of compassion, by Dr.Gabor Mate:

1. Ordinary Human Compassion: Self-compassion, doesn’t resist how things are, nor swaddle the pain in layers of narrative gauze; it just says, “I am hurting.”

2. The Compassion of Curiosity and Understanding (context): The second compassion takes as its first principle that everything exists for a reason, and that the reason matter.

3. The Compassion of Recognition: It allows us to perceive and appreciate that we are all in the same boat, roiled by similar tribulations and contradictions. Until we recognize our commonality, we create more woe for ourselves and others: for ourselves, because we increase our distance from our humanity and get caught up in the tense physiological states of judgment and resistance; for others, because we trigger their shame and further their isolation.

4. The Compassion of Truth: The compassion of truth recognizes that pain is not the enemy. In fact, pain is inherently compassionate, as it tries to alert us to what is amiss. Healing, in a sense, is about unlearning the notion that we need to protect ourselves from our own pain. It also recognizes that truth may lead, in the short term, to further pain.

5. The Compassion of Possibility: Possibility is connected to many of humanity’s greatest gifts: wonder, awe, mystery, and imagination—the qualities that allow us to remain connected to that which we can’t necessarily prove.

   It’s up to us to nurture this connection, because the day-to-day world will not always provide us with reassuring evidence.

   This deepest aspect of compassion recognizes that the seemingly impossible only seems so, and that whatever we most need and long for can actualize at any moment.

We can practice them in our daily lives, to get closer to our authenticity.

As our actions indicate who we are and it resonate throughout the universe, we must act with integrity and intention.

By doing so we cultivate:

• Honesty and truthfulness

• Consistency

• Moral responsibility

• Authenticity

• Wholeness

We’re going through 3 types of integrity between mind and body here, and I hope it helps you get a better understanding of what areas you should work on.

Bodymind:

The body and mind are intricately connected, with each influencing the other in profound ways. Chronic stress and negative emotions have been linked to a weakened immune system, increased inflammation, and a higher risk of various health problems.

Conversely, the body also affects the mind, with physical exercise being shown to improve mood, reduce stress and anxiety, and enhance cognitive function.

Maintaining body-mind integrity involves cultivating practices that nourish both the physical and mental aspects of the self, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, mindfulness meditation, and stress management techniques.

Mindgut:

The gut and brain are in constant communication through the gut-brain axis, a bidirectional pathway that allows the gut to influence the brain and vice versa.

Emerging research suggests that the gut microbiome, the trillions of microorganisms that reside in the digestive tract, play a crucial role in this communication and can impact mental health.

Studies have found that an imbalance in gut bacteria is associated with various neurological and psychiatric disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and autism spectrum disorder.

Maintaining mind-gut integrity involves supporting a healthy gut microbiome through a balanced diet rich in fiber and probiotics, managing stress.

Mindheart:

The mind and heart are often seen as separate entities, but they are deeply interconnected.

Emotions, which originate in the heart, have a profound impact on cognitive processes, decision-making, and overall well-being.

Conversely, the mind can influence the heart through thoughts and perceptions. Positive emotions like love, gratitude, and compassion have been shown to improve heart health, reduce stress, and enhance overall well-being.

Maintaining mind-heart integrity involves cultivating emotional awareness, practicing self-reflection, and engaging in activities that nourish the heart, such as expressing gratitude, practicing forgiveness, and connecting with others in meaningful ways ( Substack is a place to practice this one!).

7 ways Japanese culture can help you get more out of your moments

Japanese culture offers a rich tapestry of practices that can help you explore and connect with your authentic selves. Here are seven notable cultural practices:

1. Wabi-Sabi

Wabi-Sabi embraces the beauty of imperfection and the transient nature of life. It encourages individuals to

• find beauty in the mundane

• appreciate the natural cycle of growth and decay

• fostering a sense of acceptance and mindfulness.

2. Kintsugi

Kintsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. This practice highlights

• the beauty of flaws and imperfections

• teaching that brokenness can lead to unique beauty and strength

• encouraging people to embrace their own scars and histories.

3. Ikigai

Ikigai refers to the concept of finding one’s purpose or reason for being. It combines what you love, what you are good at, what the world needs and what you can be paid for. This holistic approach helps individuals

• align their passions with their professional lives

• leading to greater fulfillment.

4. Meraki

Meraki is a term that describes doing something with soul, creativity, or love. When you put something of yourself into what you do, whether it’s cooking, crafting, or any other endeavor, it fosters

• deeper connection to the activity

• enhances personal authenticity.

5. Shinrin-yoku (Forest Bathing)

Shinrin-yoku, or "forest bathing," involves immersing oneself in nature to enhance well-being. It encourages

• mindfulness

• deep connection to the natural world

• promoting mental clarity

• emotional balance

6. Kaizen

Kaizen translates to "continuous improvement" and involves making small, incremental changes for the better. This practice fosters

• a mindset of growth and resilience

• encouraging individuals to reflect on their habits and behaviors regularly

• leading to greater self-discovery and personal development.

7. Mottainai

Mottainai expresses a sense of regret over waste and encourages a mindset of gratitude and respect for resources. It promotes

• sustainability

• mindfulness

• urging individuals to appreciate what they have

• to live in a way that honors the interconnectedness of life.

As you made it to this point, I’m giving you a bonus: The 8th practice:

Shu-Ha-Ri

Shu-Ha-Ri is a concept from martial arts that describes the stages of learning and mastery:

• Shu (following the rules),

• Ha (breaking the rules),

• and Ri (creating your own rules).

  This framework can guide you through your personal and professional development, allowing you to discover your unique style and approach over time.

• Oneness: Despite our differences, we are all live on the same fragile planet;

  by understanding that we can cultivate a sense of connection that transcends individual differences. This encourages us to act with integrity and intention.

• Compassion: Say that you’re hurting; know that everything exists for a reason and the reason matters; We’re all in the same boat; Pain is not your enemy; whatever you need and long for can actualize at any moment.

• Integrity: Practice daily to improve your bodymind, braingut, and brainheart integrity.

• 7 ways that Japanese culture can help you on this journey: They can help you with

  • acceptance,

  • embracing your imperfections,

  • finding fulfillment,

  • enhancing your authenticity,

  • gaining emotional balance,

  • cultivating a growth mindset,

  • and promoting your sustainability.

1. The Myth of Normal, Gabor Maté, MD

2. Book by Sara Wilson.

3. Neil deGrasse Tyson, Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey.

4. This was inspired by Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey.