1+1 never equals 2

Dissociative Mindset against Integrative Mindset.

And I've been tryna fill all of this empty
But, I'm still so empty
And I could use some love

And I've been trying to find a reason to get up
Been trying to find a reason for this stuff
In my bedroom and my closet
The baggage in my heart is still so dark

Modern loneliness, we're never alone
But always depressed,
Love my friends to death
But I never call and I never text…¹

We wonder why we’re so distracted, we can’t find our purpose, we become perfectionist and get stuck in the procrastination and anxiety cycle, nothing can make us feel good, we don’t act on what we believe is right…

We try to fill in the blanks by trying hard, setting unrealistic goals and expect ourselves to perform perfectly flawless in life, but we know where this road leads us: frustration and burnout, feeling lost in a dark and cold dessert, all alone.

If you were like me, you’ve tried so many things to numb the pain:

• Meditation and practices for better focus

• Following higher education, or anything that can involve you for a few years and let you distract yourself from the inner discomfort you carry all along

• Wandering between pages to find something: a reason, an explanation, a map

• You name next…

But nothing really works, yes all of these are helpful tools and can improve our lives at some point, however, we always carry a hallow in our chest, a big question mark that we don’t even know what’s the meaning, a sadness…

What is it?

death, freedom, isolation, identity, and meaning are the major overarching existential concerns that humans face, and it is posited that these concerns can have a significant impact on well-being.²

If we can build something that is bigger than ourselves, our love will continue to spread and grow on earth even after we have left it.

This requires us to see ourselves as a part of a bigger picture, this empowers us to find our purpose, a meaning to our lives, and the journey to fulfill that purpose will shape our identity.

But we procrastinate doing this deep work. Why?

We humans have a lot of bad habits. But one of the worst?

We think that all bad things: disease, loss, death, happens to others not us.

This “me” against “them” mindset separates us from reality: that we’re not isolated individuals living in an inconsecutive world. Our world is integrated in a complicated way and everyone has a place in it, that only them can fill.

Simplification can help us understand complex concepts better, but believing in this simplified explanation and forget about the truth, will not help us.

Dissociative Mindset Vs Integrative Mindset

We are full of imperfections, and the dissociative mindset makes us anxious and scared:

If I’m gonna die someday, and I’m not a perfect person, and I’m alone, so I should try to fill in the gaps inside me and have as many possessions as I can, this’ll make me immortal ( what a pity!).

We should understand that we’re imperfect because of a good reason:

Our strengths and weaknesses complete each other with an artistic harmony, only if we let ourselves face our existential fears and be vulnerable.

In an integrative mindset we believe that:

• We’re living as an echo system: humans, animals, plants, nature. Ignoring each part of this echo system and putting ourselves on the top, enlarges our ego and blind us to the life’s reality.

• There’s no separation between science and art, or even the branches of science( that are totally made up). We break an immeasurable reality into smaller pieces to make it easier to understand. Relying too much on these separations gives us a tunnel vision and we’ll end up living in a small box of made-up scales for intelligence, beauty, success,… and worse yet we’ll set goals to reach those expectations! and spend our lives on something that’s not ours to pursue…

• 1+1 never equals 2. The power of 2 humans working together to serve the bigger picture never doubles, it gets 10x better. Building and growing communities is the way to save our being, home🌏 and future.

Don’t misunderstand me, I believe that everything and everyone has a purpose, that only they can fulfill.

But who says that we’re doomed to take this journey alone?

Yes, some parts of our journey is meant to be taken alone, but when we are all one, why should we bother to suffer alone when we can live, grow and create together?

There are days that you have to sit alone, face with the darkness inside you. Overcome some obstacles that block your way to authenticity.

And there are days that you gotta take other people’s hands and stand up together, move forward and be present.

We can heal by the power of compassion, and the simplest practice for self-compassion? Showing compassion to others.

As

Adam Grant

says: The most meaningful way to succeed is to help others succeed.

When you’re stuck, and you can’t take any steps forward, do this:

Help others achieve the goals you want or have accomplished.

Silent your ego and let your heart speak loud.

What’s authenticity?

Living as our true selves in harmony with the community of others in an integrated world.

I’ll add a short summary of a brilliant story from Manṭiq-uṭ-Ṭayr by Attar of Nishapur to highlight the importance of tolerance, empathy, friendship and love.

The Conference of the Birds

One day the birds of the world gather to decide who is to be their sovereign, as they have none. The hoopoe, the wisest of them all, suggests that they should find the legendary Simorgh. The hoopoe leads the birds, each of whom represents a human fault which prevents humanity from attaining enlightenment.

The hoopoe tells the birds that they have to cross seven valleys in order to reach the abode of Simorgh. These valleys are as follows:

1. Valley of the Quest, where the Wayfarer begins by casting aside all dogma, belief, and unbelief.
2. Valley of Love, where reason is abandoned for the sake of love.
3. Valley of Knowledge, where worldly knowledge becomes utterly useless.
4. Valley of Detachment, where all desires and attachments to the world are given up. Here, what is assumed to be “reality” vanishes.
5. Valley of Unity, where the Wayfarer realizes that everything is connected and that the Beloved is beyond everything, including harmony, multiplicity, and eternity.
6. Valley of Wonderment, where, entranced by the beauty of the Beloved, the Wayfarer becomes perplexed and, steeped in awe, finds that he has never known or understood anything.
7. Valley of Poverty and Annihilation, where the self disappears into the universe and the Wayfarer becomes timeless, existing in both the past and the future.

When the birds hear the description of these valleys, they bow their heads in distress; some even die of fright right then and there.

But despite their trepidations, they begin the great journey. On the way, many perish of thirst, heat or illness, while others fall prey to wild beasts, panic, and violence.

Finally, only thirty birds make it to the abode of Simorgh.

In the end, the birds learn that they themselves are the Simorgh; the name “Simorgh” in Persian means thirty (si) birds (morgh). They eventually come to understand that the majesty of that Beloved is like the sun that can be seen reflected in a mirror. Yet, whoever looks into that mirror will also behold his or her own image.

When they looked, those thirty birds

Undoubtedly, these thirty birds were simorghs.

They saw themselves as a whole Simorgh,

Simorgh himself was thirty birds.

All of them disappeared in his presence,

Like a shadow that disappears in front of the sun.

If Simorgh unveils its face to you, you will find
that all the birds, be they thirty or forty or more,
are but the shadows cast by that unveiling.
What shadow is ever separated from its maker?
Do you see?
The shadow and its maker are one and the same,
so get over surfaces and delve into mysteries.³

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We’ve talked about:

• Oneness

• Compassion

• Integrity

• 7 ways that Japanese culture can help you on this journey

In another post, I recommend that you read these two posts together to get a better understanding of the concepts:

1. Modern Loneliness, Song by Lauv

2. Irvin D. Yalom

3. From Wiki.