The Next Level: From Survival Trap to Authentic Creativity

How to navigate change when it’s killing you.

I clenched my sweaty fists. I was gasping for some air but it felt like I was drowning in a dark ocean, all alone.

I was standing outside of my professor’s office, trying to process what she said: That I’m not a good researcher and I won’t be able to make it if I continue like that. It was my dream to become a great researcher, or at least I thought so.

I did nothing wrong, I followed the instructions. I did what they told me to do; but maybe that was THE problem.

I was a good girl, always keeping my voice down, never said no, I thought to myself “who am I to say no? I don’t deserve to have this option, otherwise I won’t be successful”.

1 year and 3 months ago, my mind crushed and stopped working. I felt I know everything I need, but it’s like there’s a fog all over my brain and everything vanished right before I could catch them.

I was doing great, I was doing great at so many things.

Researching, studying medicine, playing violin, building new habits and maintaining my membership at 5am club, joining multiple research and content creation teams, reading books, pushing myself to do things that were scary or unfamiliar to me.

And this wasn’t productivity, it was a voluntary self-destructive process. I had built a system to crush my soul and get myself lost in a foreign dark land by following goals that were not mine.

I had an urge to quit everything, people were criticizing me for being ungrateful and disrespectful for feeling like that. I had this enormous feeling of self doubt, and I couldn’t come up with new ideas or even a solution for my problems. I needed to escape, I prayed every day and night to God to set me free, and take me somewhere so far away from everyone and everything.

I thought it was the end of the world, but it was a sign from my soul and the universe:

I was ready for a change.

Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you.

Surah Al- Bagharah-216

If you have the same feelings, you’re very close to a change in yourself and your life.

It takes courage, vulnerability, acceptance and trust to make a real change.

Signs that are telling you’re ready to level up

Have you ever played video games?

What happens when the main character is ready to go to the next level?

They fight demons, they make allies, find new tools, and solve problems.

Then, everything seems boring, there are signes: sounds, lights, moves; something that shows them there’s something going on.

They become curious, follow the signs, and there it is: a new challenge, a harder one.

They need new ideas, options and strategies to overcome it. Enemies are stronger, and some allies turn out to be traitors and some die.

They face the fear, fight enemies, and ready to go to the next level.

They’re not afraid cause they know if they fail, or die, they always can restart.

But in real life, it’s odd to get more than 1 life ( only if you have near death experience and survive). So we have to do whatever we need to, with this 1 life. Time passes by and regret can’t bring us back things that we have gave up because of fear or doubt.

If you see these signs, pause and reflect. You might need to change things¹:

• The urge to quit

• People criticizing you

• Peak of self-doubt

• Running out of ideas

• Need to escape

This worldly life is no more than play.

Surah Ankabut- 64

If this life is a game, play to win.

Do what a champion does in a video game:

• Fight your inner enemies: procrastination, shame, doubt, fear, mindset.

• Follow your genuine curiosities: see where it leads you.

• Embrace challenges and failures: see what it has to teach you. Take it and use it to your advantage.

• Know your strengths and weaknesses: improve constantly, ask for feedback and act on it.

• Do what you’re afraid of: let go of what’s comfortable and tap into your fears in the unknown realm.

• Pay attention to the signs: if they’re telling you to level up; do it.

Embracing Struggle leads to authenticity

It’s the nature of every living thing (including us!) to grow from pain.

And the greater the aspirations of that being, the greater the pain and suffering.

We do not lay a burden on anyone beyond his capacity.

Surah Al-Mu'minun - 62

If you have a dream, a vision that ,no matter what you do, you can’t get it out of your head and heart, you have the potential to make it a reality.

Suffering can unlock our hidden abilities for all kinds of learning. Having the courage to face adversity is a character skill and is a special form of decision making. Such work requires three kinds of courage: (1) abandoning tried and tested methods available, (2) putting yourself on the battlefield before you feel ready, and (3) not being afraid to make mistakes. The best way to facilitate growth is to embrace the difficulty, seek it out and intensify it.

-Hidden Potentials by Adam Grant

All you need to do is:

• Listen to that call, and follow your curiosity

• Nourish that potential with trying new things, learning skills, facing your fears and embracing challenges

• Follow the cycle of growth: learn and create. Share your progress of learning, your struggles and achievements. We can grow much more and faster as a community than individuals.

Don’t complain, you asked it to be hard.

When you dream of big things, you gotta expect big struggles, life is a trade, you never get anything for free.

You can’t grow in your comfort zone. It’s like trying to fit into your 1 year old cloths at your 20s: You can’t!

The tank is too small for you now, it’s time to leave for the ocean.

Don’t expect life to be easy.

If we’re going to have pain and struggles anyway, isn’t it wise to have them doing what we love?

We have to choose: do we want to suffer doing what we hate and build someone else’s dream? Or embrace the struggles of doing what we love and build our own, authentic vision?

We can’t move forward outside if we’re locked inside. If we don’t open these chains, we’re going to get lost.

You have your purpose inside you, you only have to find it. And in order to do so, you have to respect who you are.

Here are some deep questions to get to know your real self better:

Journal Prompts to Find your Authentic Self

• What are my life’s important moments (good and bad ones) and how did they make me feel at that moment about myself, others and the world?

• What did these moments make me believe about myself, others and the world?

• When do I feel the most resistant and frustrated? What am I doing at that moment?

• When do I feel the happiest and calm? What’s happening at that moment and what am I doing? How much does this joyful feeling last? And how am I feeling after it ends?

• What makes me angry about myself, people and the world? Why? Do I have the same qualities that make me angry inside me and I ignore it?

• What am I so afraid of? What about it makes me feel scared? Do I remember when it started?

• How do I feel when people complement me? What do I think of myself and that person? Do I like it? Do I get depressed when they don’t compliment?

• What do I hate the most?

• What makes me feel safe?

• What choices did I make to fit in? How do I feel about it?

• What do I do when I get bored?

• How do I distract myself when something makes me sad ( a feeling in my chest, a thought, a memory, a happening) ?

• What makes me an anxious? How do I manage my stress?

• What are my strengths and weaknesses?

• What did I love to do as a child? What makes me loose the track of time?

• What are my core values?

After knowing yourself better, you can see a foggy vision of your true purpose. And by acting on what your curiosity and intention tells you, the picture becomes more and more clear.

Instead of having fake dreams, that you chase to fit in, embrace who you are and do what you believe is right: you can only belong with your authentic self, if you lose yourself you’ll lose your purpose.

It’s not going to be easy, so get ready to face challenges.

But remember to see them as influential factors, not determinants.

If it's an influential, you might need a pause, a reflection, or learn a lesson.

But if you see them as determinants, you give them power to change your direction, and you'll lost your way and yourself.

Your path to healing and fulfilling your true purpose will have obstacles to overcome. But they won’t be determinants. They are: a lesson, a pause or a reflection.

I read this on Adam Grant’s book: Hidden Potentials a few days ago, but as I haven’t finished the whole book I can’t add my own perspectives yet.

I only quote the parts that resonate with what I have to say in this post.

To be able to make a change, you need to develop a growth mindset:

Nurture over Nature.

Although everything that’s shown in the picture is important and affects our lives, but we have the agency to build the life we want: it might take longer than others who have better resources, but if we show up everyday, what’s ours will come to us.

These are characters that we need to learn and have to make our vision a reality, as Grant says. We need to be:

• Proactive: How often did they take initiative to ask questions, volunteer answers, seek information from books, and engage the teacher to learn outside class?

• Prosocial: How well did they get along and collaborate with peers?

• Disciplined: How effectively did they pay attention—and resist the impulse to disrupt the class?

• Determined: How consistently did they take on challenging problems, do more than the assigned work, and persist in the face of obstacles?

Turn your flaws into a kintsugi pottery

In the process of embracing who you are, the hardest part is to show compassion for dark parts of yourself: your flaws.

Kaizen in the healing journey

Before we can build a new life, we need to heal ourselves. And this journey isn’t mapped out clearly for no one. You build the path as you take the steps. Kizen is the mindset of growth and resilience in Japanese culture. You get better as you grow.

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As you respect your authentic self, you’ll find your true purpose. And by having the characters I quoted from Adam Grant, you can make your vision a reality and be the hero of your story.

If you have the signs I mentioned above, don’t ignore them. Pause and reflect on your life. You’ll know what needs to be changed to make room for your authenticity.

1. From a note by

Alex Matters

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