No titles, I guess.

How it feels to remember yourself, only a small pixel of the whole.

Haniyeh Amini

Feb 28, 2025

Maybe I had to live through all these years just to find you again, somewhere along the way.

The day I found you, you looked exactly as you did when I lost you—frightened and wounded.

Your image had faded from my memory long ago, yet I recognized your eyes.

Those same familiar, beautiful eyes.

Once again, I stood before a gaze that held both the safest and the saddest look in the world.

Safe—because it had always been waiting for me.

Sad—because it had been lost for far too long.

I moved toward you, and in that moment, all I felt was a love so deep, so ancient, as if it had always existed.

A love for you. For your presence.

In that instant, my entire life unfolded before me, and there you were, in every moment, in every memory.

You had been there all along, but it was as if I refused to see you.

I saw how you endured, how you kept going with quiet patience and unwavering hope.

You survived—even in the moments when I was convinced there was no way forward.

I witnessed how, despite being ignored, you kept trying to be seen, whispering, "Pain will pass. I am here with you."

But I didn’t hear you. Not for years.

For years, I walked into relationships while denying your presence.

And only you know how alone I was, even when I wasn’t alone.

I always felt an emptiness inside me, one that no one, no love, no connection could ever fill.

And the moment I found you, that emptiness disappeared.

How is it possible for the answer to have been so close all along, yet for me to have been so blind to it?

How could you have always been here, and yet, I had lost you?

What a tragic kind of loss.

For all these years, I thank you.

For all the moments you endured, whispering, *“This too shall pass.”*

You are, without a doubt, the most precious part of my existence.

Now that I have found you, I can begin again.

I can change—gently, without self-blame.

I can relearn how to love—this time, with kindness.

I will be more patient. I will embrace imperfections with grace.

You, with all your wounds, with all your past, with all your choices—you are still here.

And I am grateful that, somewhere in the process of revisiting myself and my memories, I found you again.

You will forever be the most beautiful companion of my life.

And this time, I will stay. Patient. Hopeful.

Together, we will move through pain and uncertainty.

Together, we will walk through the changes we must make.

Together, we will navigate every unpredictable moment of this life.

Thank you, myself.1

The girl looked at the reflection, with awe and wonder. “ Was that sound myself all that time? Asking me those questions and guiding me through? ” she asked herself.

Lost in her mind, she came to her senses when she heard the reflection asking her to put her hands on her heart. So she did.

The empty space in her chest, wasn’t empty anymore. She could feel that something is alive and radiating.

She felt the love, to herself. The love that connected her to the whole universe. She was a part of it after all, and now she could feel that. A breeze of light and warmth, a loving sentiment that was moving in her body, awakening each of her cells, one by one. Asking them to remember the feeling of being loved. Asking them to activate their own energy and vibrations. Asking them to accept that love and gratitude. And let it flow through them. They have never forgotten it, her cells stored everything in details and depth. But she ignored it all those years, because of the voices. The voices that told her to fit, to cut her pieces off and be like most of the others. The voices that made her loose her gem. Oh! gem. “Where is it? ” she asked the reflection.

“ Don’t you recognize it yet? the gem is you. That stone was only a symbolic gesture. The spirit of love and compassion, creativity and courage lives in your heart. ” she replied.

“ So why I feel lost? There’s a chaos inside my head that doesn’t let me think clearly and see vividly. How do you explain that?” The poor girl cried out.

“ Oh my dearest, you can’t change what you see, you have to change how you see it. Aren’t you eagerly seeking the answers? The truth? The one purpose that could explain it all? That one answer that tells you who you are, how to live and what to do? That’s the reason you feel lost! You’re struggling to find something that isn’t built yet, it’s only a potential, a calling, a sentiment in your heart. But my sweetheart, it’s not an answer to find. It’s a path that you can build. Don’t obsess over destination, fall in love with the journey. Don’t settle down yet, be free to explore. Ask more questions, but don’t stumble on them, don’t push yourself too hard to find the answers. As Rilke wrote over hundred years ago, live the questions now. ” the reflection softly replied.

The girl took a deep breath, reached for the question mark above her head and put it in her pocket. “There will be more of these coming in my pocket.” She quietly said.

Now, go up. And build what you want, what you can to solve a problem. Or to calm an aching soul.

“Choose one problem, one person. Sit with the questions and understand it to the roots. Find the core problem and work on it. Remember to think of solutions at last. Otherwise you’ll miss the key point and you’ll feel lost again. These are my final advices to you, but remember that I’m with you all the time. In the blood that your heart pumps, the secret whispers in your ears, the tingling in your arms, and the beauty in your soul. I’m with you, I remember you. Remember me.” after saying these words, the reflection and the chamber made of question mark disappeared.

“ Now I have all I need. Myself and my faith. ”

And she stepped into the woods. Where was she heading to? No idea, but she had found what she missed. Love and faith, were her missing parts not the gem; she found at last.

This story was the third part of series “ ambiguity and authenticity ”, and maybe the last part.

The first two parts are: